House buying, baby sick and not liking it

I had this cute little memory lane post for today.  All ready to go with pictures galore.  You would have loved it but I just don't feel like posting it.  Yup, just want to post about my day.  My crappy day.  Maybe I am looking for sympathy votes but who isn't looking for a vote of some kind these days?

I'm just so sick of trying.  I mean we pray, follow and still it seems like a slap in the face.  Not by God but by people --  by the system.  So where is he?  Dear Lord you can jump in at any time to protect us.

I know that some of you are gasping right now and thinking that I am a complete brat - and maybe I am.  It is just so perplexing that God called us a few months ago to stand for justice - for what the bible says is right.  Then we are continually victims of injustice.  He calls this family to respect others even when they treat you the opposite way.   We follow his call with our finances, yet we are always starting over.   At times we could have gone wild, we directly followed his lead.  He continues to lead (and while I will admit that we are not perfect) - why do I feel like I am continually chasing my tail in a never ending circle?  

I want so bad to let those people who hurt us know exactly how bad we are hurting right now, but I can't. You know why I can't?  Because it is not the right thing to do.  I struggle with being called to one thing yet wanted so bad to cave to the other.   There is my way of seeing things and then there is God's.  There is my way of justice, then there is God's.   I want to throw in the towel because it seems so easy for others yet I know that the reward is there if we just hold tight for another day.  We let the system make our decisions for us.

And on that note, I leave this post realizing myself that I have spent the whole day agonizing over a system that I have no control over.  I want so badly for those to know what they have done, what I want, how they can make it better.  But in the end the responsibility for the outcome does not rely on others, it relies on me.  I can choose to fight, I can choose to work, I can choose to participate, I can choose to be quiet, I can choose to speak loudly -- it is my choice.  No wear do I believe that the Lord has left us, but I do think that at times we think he needs to step in front of us he takes a step back.  He watches from afar.  Wondering if we will use the tools he has given us to rise above this challenge or if he will have to teach us the lesson once again.  He is one of the best fathers I know.