Storms of life

I saw this posted on Pinterest today and pinned it. 

The continuing mantra in my life "to remember, everyone is fighting a battle."

But it wasn't until tonight that I had a little more understanding of this picture.  

I went on a normal run tonight.  

The first three were great.  

Then, the sky broke open.  

The wind pounded the front of me.  

It hurt to open my eyes.  

It hurt to move.  

It was cold.  

It was wet.  

I had no phone.  

I didn't know where to go.  

It took every part of me to forge ahead.

Doesn't this scenrio describe a storm in life?  There are times where it hurts to think, it hurts to love, it hurts to live.  But something inside of you knows that you need to keep forging ahead and to not look behind you. 

Remember your storms when you are dealing with people.  For who knows where they might be in their storm.  Can they open there eyes and see ahead?  Could they be hurting so bad that it hurts to move ahead?  Are they lost? Could you stop for a moment and give them a dry reprieve? 

At the end of my storm tonight - the sky cleared.  I saw my church at the end of the road.  There was a rainbow leading my way.  God's promise in the storm.   

The finish List

Ahhhhh, the Finish List.

Not quite the New Year's Resolution List.  

Resolutions and things you are going to change.  If change is coming a plan needs to be in place.

So in comes the finish list.  Written objectives, meeting goals, producing results.

Now, a finish list does not guarantee the results you originally set out for. 

The results may be better or they may not be exactly what you had planned. 

Either way it is intentional, has a purpose, just make sure that purpose is good.

My Finish List

(my list changes often.  I might share of the steps to the goal or I might not.  Either way, I will continue to let you share successes and failures.  

Will you consider sharing your finish list with me too?

1.Get in the word more often - continual

#shereadstruth and journaling, maybe join a fall bible study

2.Run a Half Marathon - in progress

Sign up for a race -check- going November 3rd 2012.  Training - beginning.  5k,10k, practice runs picked. 

3.Start a business - in beginning stages of progress

Re-read Proverbs 31 (memorize it), get the ideas I have into their own finish list objectives, get up an hour earlier so this business does not intrude on my first love of being a mom.

3. Loose 20 lbs - see #1. - in progress

4. Blog with purpose - in beginning stages

to be implemented by September 1.  Focusing on the themes - Create, Home, Faith, and Love.  Get a posting calendar set. Sign up for a campaign - done  

5. Use Social Media for Good ONLY. - self explanatory and I know that I will occasionally miss this mark.  Work in progress

6. Discover how to create my own graphics- progress

Downloaded free versions of software, purchasing PhotoShop Elements now.

There are a few others too personal too share, they include some very important relationships - maybe even some I am unaware of now.

What is on your finish list?  Will you share one?  I would love to cheer you on as you go! Accountability is key to loving something!

Need to read more about a finish list?  Considering getting Jon Acuff's book - Quitter.    

Just a Beautiful Spring Morning

Enjoy! 

Saying Goodbye to Grandaddy

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Initially I envisioned a shack and an old man with corn cob pipe, a long bead, overalls, sitting in a rocking chair yelling “maw” to a lady hanging laundry in the breeze.  Not for me, not for me at all.  

That was 1995.  I listened to Michael tell stories about his granddaddy over a lunch date (our first date).  One of 11 children, his granddaddy grew up on the out-skirts of Atlanta in a depression era rental house.  Granddaddy’s father was a postal man who one day dumped his mail bag into the river and left his young family.  There was no indoor plumbing when he was young.  They grew their own food, and stored it for a season.

Grandaddy's office chair - now at my house

 There were stories of playing hookie from school.   And like a scene straight from a Huck Finn novel, Granddaddy and his cousins would play in the river.  As a teen, he rode the bus downtown to the local Sears and Roebuck to work.  He held jobs as a Fuller Brush Salesman, a loan broker, and was successful in the Atlanta real estate market.

Granddaddy is Michael’s hero. In 1995 I really didn’t know just why.  At the time, all my 19 year old ears heard was a cultural divide.  

I grew up in NY.  My grandparents had indoor plumbing growing up.  My grandfather kept the same job (that he hated) for 40+ years.  I never heard stories of living for the moment.  That is why I didn’t think it was for me.

Then I met him.  It was Father’s day 1996.  My only grandfather had just suddenly died.  I loved my grandfather so much that I couldn’t imagine life without him, that is until God brought Charles Duncan into my life.  

Grandaddy and Baby Nina

It was that weekend I saw Michael’s stories come to life.  Before me was a grandfather who amazed me.  He had a sparkle in his eye and a creative mischief in his spirit.  He loved.  He laughed.  He had this magical smile.  

That Father’s day weekend, I met a man who wasn’t fractured in any part of his life.  In fact, he was very grounded and sure of who he was.  I think that is why he was able to follow his heart in life with no reserve.  He appreciated things for what they were just as he appreciated people.  He was smart.  He was a bit quirky.  I instantly loved him and was thankful that God had blessed me with another wonderful grandfather.  

Grandaddy loved bells

So take time to listen to people that share stories.  Really think about what they might be saying, for your first impressions might be wrong and you might miss the opportunity of a lifetime; the opportunity to love, to learn, to face challenges by going “Fuller Brush.”

Average Family @church

This is more of a club than a post.  A place where you know you can be excepted - even on Sundays.  As much as we try to get to church with everything in place, it just doesn’t happen as we planned -- never.  So come along with the Cloudt’s as we candidly share our not so perfect Sundays.

A quiet SUnday lunch conversation with a 6 year old can open up so many doors to yourself.

Me: W, how was church today?

W: Good. We talked about Moses and a bunch of stuff.

W: Mama, what did you do at church today?

Me: Well, I went to our Sunday School class and we covered just about the same stuff about Moses that you did. 

W:  Do you teach the class or do you just listen?

Me: Well, I don’t teach but I help Dad teach sometimes.  I enjoy being with people and helping them learn more about Jesus.

W: Mama, how old are the people in this class?

Me: How old do you think they are?

W: Probably about 58.

ME: Well, how old do you think I am then?

W: About 42.

Me: Close I’m 35.

W: Wow Mama, you need to stop hanging out with those people - you are practically a teenager!  Those people are too old for you to hang out with! 

Did I ever tell you that I love quiet post church quiet lunches with my boy - he is the best!  Did I ever tell you that he is smart too?  

Moses and Billy Idol

Average Family @church

Moses is a given in any children’s church curriculum.  Why wouldn’t he be?  He is great.  His story is amazing!  But Billy Idol?  Billy Idol is generally not a part of traditional church curriculum.  Especially at a Southern Baptist Church. That is unless one of my little ones is in class.  Yes folks you read that right, Michael and I are training are children to love Jesus via 80’s rock n roll.

              Source: projekt-klangwelt.com via Klangwelt on Pinterest

It began at the Friday night school dance.  W decided it would be a good idea to dress like a rockstar, thus was born the 6 year old version of Billy Idol.  This “Billy” had blue jeans, a red bandana around his head, and a sleeveless cut off flannel shirt in a lumber jack type plaid pattern.  Sounds

more like a version of Larry the Cable Guy if you ask me.  Instead of Billy Idol, it would be more on key to call this one “Billy Jo.”  But redneck or not, my son proudly came in 5th in the costume competition at that night!  He was living the dream.  He would continue to hold onto that dream well into Sunday morning.

That is when he decided it would be beneficial to introduce his church friends to the likes of his new rockstar status.  No, he did not sing “White Wedding” or make perverse dance moves.  He waited during the Moses lesson for a quite moment to blurt out, “does everyone know who Billy Idol is?”.  If you blurt out anything to a group of kindergarteners, of course they want to know.  And if you are a 6 year old who friends want to know about something you seem to know about - you are suddenly a celebrity.  This is the perfect storm for a kid like W.  

So, next time your child’s Sunday School teacher says, “You won’t believe what your child did in class today.”  Don’t ask.  Just hang up the phone. They will ultimately understand. 

This is more of a club than a post.  A place where you know you can be excepted - even on Sundays.  As much as we try to get to church with everything in place, it just doesn’t happen as we planned -- never.  So come along with the Cloudt’s as we candidly share our not so perfect Sundays.

In the details.

I haven't "worked" in 10 years!  I left my bureaucratic job for motherhood a year before my little Russian baby came home.  At the time, I was itching to leave.  To say I hated my job would be an understatement.  To say I hate to work would be wrong.  


Since that time, I haven't punched a time clock but I certainly haven't taken off.  The year before we had children I spent countless hours sewing.  All to raise the ridiculous amount of money we needed to bring our baby home.  I have taken time out to minister to others.  Something I would never call work but rather a blessing.  There have been years that I have worked for minimum wage in the church nursery to make it all work out.  I have been known to sell anything that isn't breathing on Ebay to keep clothes on the kids.  Right now, I sew.  I sew everyday.  For you all I sew.  For my kids, I sew.  Because I am blessed, I sew.  


And even though I tend to make up the difference at the times we need it, this year has been the tightest it has ever been.  There have been occasional conversations about me finding "a real job".  I just really feel a strong conviction to be here when my kids are.  It is my calling to be available.  


But the other night, I fell to the lies and began to look.   A depressing look.  What does a mom of 4 with a college degree in International Politics do after 10 years of being out of the loop?  I looked, and looked, and looked.  After a few minutes.  I realized in the "real world" of "real jobs" I qualify to be a lunch room monitor.  Now, I love our lunch room monitor -- she is great!  She is important.  But when you have a little one to put in daycare, being a lunch room monitor equals out to pay about 1.50 a hour.  


So I began to cry.  I believed I had no value.  Well, no value to help our family.  At the same time I began to bang my head against the MAC, the email chime went off.  I had just sold one of my sales items on Etsy.  


So in my dismay, there he was - holding 12.00 out to me.  To remind me that I do have value and he does provide.  It just may be in his way, at his time......not mine.

Setting A Record Straight

Meaningful Monday - a sometimes crooked walk. 

I am blessed!  For the last 12 months, my family has been surrounded by a faithful community who has called, written, texted, and emailed encouragement almost on a daily basis.  The outpouring of love has been overwhelming and undeserving.   It is one strong backbone of what has carried Michael and I thru the last many months.  The last many months, we never hope to never experience again.  

But a few conversations in the last many weeks have burdened me to set a record straight. Some wonderful friends have commented on "how strong my faith is." Now don't get me wrong, I love my God - he is awesome. But I am not happy about this.  Nope, not one bit.  Not right now at least.  Who would WANT to see their husband think he is defeated?  Who would WANT to worry in the wee hours of the morning about what is going to happen next?  Who would WANT their faith in people destroyed?  Who would WANT upheave their kids?  Really, I don't WANT any of it!  Do you know anyone I can give it to? Frankly -- I am sick of it.

But as ugly as it is, or can get, I know that God has a plan for my family and he is sticking to it.  So at this point I may be upset but I have two options.  I can either kick and scream and make it as miserable as I can. Or I can go with it, and ride it out, looking for the SONshine the whole time.  I choose the latter for now.  

                                                                 Source: brabournefarm.blogspot.com via Pamela on Pinterest

That is where the faith lands my friends.  I don't have faith in the perfect house.  I don't have faith that all people will treat my family the right way.  I don't have faith in my husband's new job.  I don't have faith in those things, because they are temporary. I have faith that I have a father who knows best -- even when I don't agree with him.  

So, the cover of my book may be very pretty to look at but the story underneath resembles a bit of a tornado at the moment. That is just part of it, a chapter that is.   There will be chapters of sunshine and roses. But in the meantime, the ground needs to be tilled, mud thrown, and hard work put in for those roses to grow.  

                                                                  

                                                                   Source: everydaypeoplecartoons.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Tapped Out

That was me last week.....just tapped out.  
Tired.  
Exhausted.  
Mad.  
Sad.  
Confused.  
Tired again.  
Confused Again.  
Yup, great week. 
I had N.O.T.H.I.N.G to share with you all except bad news.  
You know, the "poor me" days that just keep going and going -- never to end.  


In the past 12 months, we have......
Been lied to by fellow believers.
Been treated like outcasts by our supposed safety net.
Suffered a devastate income loss.
Found a new job. 
Lived off the savings that God told us we would need. 
And now today, live in a house that is under contract.


It is the last event that set my week over the edge.  I love my house.  This is the house my kids were suppose to bring their kids to to visit.  They are safe here.  They can ride their bikes here.  There is a fort in the back yard that has been an ongoing two year project.  My beloved dogs are buried here.  There is a creek in the back. 


It is where I wanted to be.  
But God has other plans.....
and right now, I'm thankful but questioning, searching for answers.  
Waiting to see what comes next. 


One important thing I have learned from a week off from blogging is that I do not have to tell you all everything. But as a community, we need to hold hands thru the valleys and lift those hands up together in celebration at the mountain tops.  

For the Love of Neon

I do not do big decisions well.  Those usually involve some degree of change.  I like it, I love it- so just leave it the heck alone.  Or I might not even like it, but leave it the heck alone. Most days, I can't even decided what to get in my coffee.   Even when the writing is on the wall to move it like a money maker, I just sit on my money maker.  I ask God over and over again for neon printed in the sky.  You know, something like this....

Heather, follow me.  

I just continue to say that I just don't see it.  Like, right now. Michael and I have a giganto non-secure decision to make.  We need to follow a rope -- having no idea where it ends. We are paraylsized despite our faith. 

I write countless blog posts about this undying faith I have.  Not faith in myself but a faith in the Lord.  Yet, I flounder at best when it comes to show time.
  

                                                                                Source: thekitchn.com via Maxine on Pinterest

So if I am putting all my eggs with God, why for a golden minute would I think that he isn’t doing to same in me?  

Thankful but Forgetful

*The last year I have been sewing a lot and I am thankful.

*Money from sales has pitched in on the things for my family and I am thankful.

*My business has exploded over during a tight budget year and I am thankful. 

*There are new relationships built with the ladies at the craft store and I am thankful.

*Seeing you all use/wear your items give me a smile and I am thankful.

*Meeting new people has been a blessing and I am thankful.

*Filling a creative need has been awesome and I am thankful.

*In the last three months I have worked crazy hours and I am thankful.

*Orders you place have paid for Christmas and I am thankful. 

But then I come to Christmas and I stop.  Why did the last many weeks become such a frenzy for my little Proverbs 31 business?  It is just a season to endure or did I loose the meaning of something wonderful God has given me in the mix?  I have been a mad women trying to keep up with orders.  I continually think about ways to drum up new business.  There have been many trips to the store and just as many late nights sewing.  One could say that I have been tied too tight - literally in thread.  

I have taken something beautiful that God has given me and tried to turn it into a hectic/stressful/rushed existence.  All in the name of buying my child the latest electronic gadget, the greatest lego set, or the perfect superhero set.  Do those things replace the 25+ hours a week that I sit in front of my sewing machine?  

I have missed moments that will never return.  Found myself with no patience at the end of the day.  I even began craving oreo cookies (I dislike oreos).  They have watched more TV in the last few weeks then they have seen their mom.  Where is Proverbs 31 in that?  Do I want my kids to think that following God means you have to be in a tissy all the time?  I don't think that really shows them how to take care of their "gifts".  

So this Christmas, my kids will not go without but they will go with less.  In exchange they will get more - more of the mom they deserve. 

*I love what I do and I am thankful.

*Because what I love what I do so much, I will be slowing down a bit and for that realization I am forever thankful.

Blank Chaos

                                                                         Source: ahnini.tumblr.com via Heather on Pinterest

That's been me lately. Nothing to say, finding it hard to sew, can't even keep a mile straight. So discouraging.

 

                                                                Source: femmenamala.blogspot.com via Heather on Pinterest

Keep Calm Carry On 

I am doing that just fine. In fact, not much seems to rattle me lately. I keep busy (I have four kiddos). The is a certain quality about me that is awkward. I just work well under pressure. Not that I am asking for pressure but I just seem to produce what I love during those times. Wait, what am I saying? There is no way I need a fire right now - literally. But maybe, just maybe, a spark. Not too many sparks otherwise my days will look like this....

                                                                            Source: thaneeya.com via Heather on Pinterest

So Lord, I know you are listening please just answer. Ignite in me a passion driven with direction. Let me be intentional about all I do or think. Let it be fruitful in your name. AMEN.

                                                                           Source: shortquotes.org via Heather on Pinterest

blue Monday

Really, there is no big reason to be blue lately - - it just seems to happen.  Bummer.

 Not saying the entire day is a waste.  There was the beautiful morning God allowed me to enjoy with P.  The decent run.  The fact that all of the Big Three kids had clean clothes to wear to school.  A good salad for lunch.  Not too shabby.

But before I indulge in making another tray of fudgey brownies I decided to search out things that made me smile (and didn't hinder my 10 lb weight loss that I am still trying to achieve).

So here you go, I hope you find something to make you smile -- I know I did!

                               Source: dancinthemoonlight.tumblr.com via Kaela on Pinterest

No comment needed here - everyone loves cupcakes!

                                   Source: createfindadmire.tumblr.com via Rose on Pinterest

Hate it when they pop - love to see them float

                               Source: arefocusedlife.blogspot.com via Stephane on Pinterest

There is something so renewing about feeling the sand between your toes

                                            Source: flickr.com via Christine on Pinterest

Spending summers on the North Fork of Long Island -- along with eating good pizza

                                               Source: burpee.com via Natalie on Pinterest

one of my favorite Flowers - zinnias

So, what makes you smile? What old memories do you like to recall to bring the day back in perspective?

Infectious Desire

It will not leave me alone.  A constant drumming in the background reminding me to keep going.  I really have no idea what it will be but I do know what I want it not to be.  I want to leave behind the big boxes of the world, the competition of newest, the need to be the best, and look forward to being content.  But where does one find contentment?  Is there such a place?

                                                                     Source: legacyfarmsandranchesnc.com via Heather on Pinterest

In my content world I look only to fields to watch more than the flowers grow.

                                                                         Source: cormackphotos.blogspot.com via Carolyn on Pinterest

My kids and I spend our days wandering.

                                                                                 Source: google.com via Vulpine on Pinterest

Quiet time is spent in front of a quiet pond.  Oh, to dream.

 Could this actually happen in today's society or is something this housewife will dream about while looking thru a magazine?  The drum beat only keeps getting louder.

Source: dearhancock.com via Terrie on Pinterest