Meaningful Monday - a sometimes crooked walk.
I am blessed! For the last 12 months, my family has been surrounded by a faithful community who has called, written, texted, and emailed encouragement almost on a daily basis. The outpouring of love has been overwhelming and undeserving. It is one strong backbone of what has carried Michael and I thru the last many months. The last many months, we never hope to never experience again.
But a few conversations in the last many weeks have burdened me to set a record straight. Some wonderful friends have commented on "how strong my faith is." Now don't get me wrong, I love my God - he is awesome. But I am not happy about this. Nope, not one bit. Not right now at least. Who would WANT to see their husband think he is defeated? Who would WANT to worry in the wee hours of the morning about what is going to happen next? Who would WANT their faith in people destroyed? Who would WANT upheave their kids? Really, I don't WANT any of it! Do you know anyone I can give it to? Frankly -- I am sick of it.
But as ugly as it is, or can get, I know that God has a plan for my family and he is sticking to it. So at this point I may be upset but I have two options. I can either kick and scream and make it as miserable as I can. Or I can go with it, and ride it out, looking for the SONshine the whole time. I choose the latter for now.
That is where the faith lands my friends. I don't have faith in the perfect house. I don't have faith that all people will treat my family the right way. I don't have faith in my husband's new job. I don't have faith in those things, because they are temporary. I have faith that I have a father who knows best -- even when I don't agree with him.
So, the cover of my book may be very pretty to look at but the story underneath resembles a bit of a tornado at the moment. That is just part of it, a chapter that is. There will be chapters of sunshine and roses. But in the meantime, the ground needs to be tilled, mud thrown, and hard work put in for those roses to grow.
I love you so much and you know I understand. Thank you for explaining in words what I am feeling but couldn't articulate.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very important part of a very long journey! I am there with you sister!
ReplyDeleteVery well put! My husband, who has "issues" with his faith wonders how I can have faith when everything is crumbling. What I try to get him to see is that without my faith, I would have nothing in those moments.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reaching out in the Blissdom newcomers group. I am definitely going to find you when we're there!
We have to stick together Heather! lifting you up and excited to meet you as well.
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