Creative Me

Art vs. The Entrepreneur

Dear Creativity,

Hello, Hello, Hello........Can you here me?  Creativity, are you listening?  I can not seem to find my way to you lately.  Are you hiding from me, or am I too blind to see you right in front of me?  How can we connect my friend, creativity?  Where can we find a place to meet?  I will come to you if you just give me the details. 

Fondly, 

Heather

I just can not seem to find her lately - the creative me.  There is this place deep down inside that I know she is screaming to get out, but the stresses of life seem to keep her at bay.  It is to the point that she is clawing her way to find it to the top.

I find myself continually putting these limitations on the creative me that seem to keep her doubting herself enough to hide in fear.  Fear of failure.  Fear of being laughed at.  Fear of wasting time.  Fear of wasting resources.  Fear.  Fear is strong. So I let fear win and do nothing at all. 

Limitations pop their ugly head at times when I need them to leave the most.  You know the days that you wish your camera was better.  The desire to have photoshop to format better.  The Thursdays when I would love to have a serger.  Being tired.  Not having the right fabric.  The kids are puking.  Or having to sew something for money.  

Isn’t that crazy?  Don’t I sound ungrateful?  Don’t get my wrong, I love sewing for others - paid or not.  But sometimes I have this fab idea in my head only to not have time on my side.  I have to make the decision between taking care of my family or taking care of my creative nature - one has to loose.  

There has to be some sort of balance between being a Proverbs 31 woman and filling your heart.  Where is that balance?  Do you have any suggestions how this gal can find it again?  

Setting A Record Straight

Meaningful Monday - a sometimes crooked walk. 

I am blessed!  For the last 12 months, my family has been surrounded by a faithful community who has called, written, texted, and emailed encouragement almost on a daily basis.  The outpouring of love has been overwhelming and undeserving.   It is one strong backbone of what has carried Michael and I thru the last many months.  The last many months, we never hope to never experience again.  

But a few conversations in the last many weeks have burdened me to set a record straight. Some wonderful friends have commented on "how strong my faith is." Now don't get me wrong, I love my God - he is awesome. But I am not happy about this.  Nope, not one bit.  Not right now at least.  Who would WANT to see their husband think he is defeated?  Who would WANT to worry in the wee hours of the morning about what is going to happen next?  Who would WANT their faith in people destroyed?  Who would WANT upheave their kids?  Really, I don't WANT any of it!  Do you know anyone I can give it to? Frankly -- I am sick of it.

But as ugly as it is, or can get, I know that God has a plan for my family and he is sticking to it.  So at this point I may be upset but I have two options.  I can either kick and scream and make it as miserable as I can. Or I can go with it, and ride it out, looking for the SONshine the whole time.  I choose the latter for now.  

                                                                 Source: brabournefarm.blogspot.com via Pamela on Pinterest

That is where the faith lands my friends.  I don't have faith in the perfect house.  I don't have faith that all people will treat my family the right way.  I don't have faith in my husband's new job.  I don't have faith in those things, because they are temporary. I have faith that I have a father who knows best -- even when I don't agree with him.  

So, the cover of my book may be very pretty to look at but the story underneath resembles a bit of a tornado at the moment. That is just part of it, a chapter that is.   There will be chapters of sunshine and roses. But in the meantime, the ground needs to be tilled, mud thrown, and hard work put in for those roses to grow.  

                                                                  

                                                                   Source: everydaypeoplecartoons.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Tapped Out

That was me last week.....just tapped out.  
Tired.  
Exhausted.  
Mad.  
Sad.  
Confused.  
Tired again.  
Confused Again.  
Yup, great week. 
I had N.O.T.H.I.N.G to share with you all except bad news.  
You know, the "poor me" days that just keep going and going -- never to end.  


In the past 12 months, we have......
Been lied to by fellow believers.
Been treated like outcasts by our supposed safety net.
Suffered a devastate income loss.
Found a new job. 
Lived off the savings that God told us we would need. 
And now today, live in a house that is under contract.


It is the last event that set my week over the edge.  I love my house.  This is the house my kids were suppose to bring their kids to to visit.  They are safe here.  They can ride their bikes here.  There is a fort in the back yard that has been an ongoing two year project.  My beloved dogs are buried here.  There is a creek in the back. 


It is where I wanted to be.  
But God has other plans.....
and right now, I'm thankful but questioning, searching for answers.  
Waiting to see what comes next. 


One important thing I have learned from a week off from blogging is that I do not have to tell you all everything. But as a community, we need to hold hands thru the valleys and lift those hands up together in celebration at the mountain tops.  

For the Love of Neon

I do not do big decisions well.  Those usually involve some degree of change.  I like it, I love it- so just leave it the heck alone.  Or I might not even like it, but leave it the heck alone. Most days, I can't even decided what to get in my coffee.   Even when the writing is on the wall to move it like a money maker, I just sit on my money maker.  I ask God over and over again for neon printed in the sky.  You know, something like this....

Heather, follow me.  

I just continue to say that I just don't see it.  Like, right now. Michael and I have a giganto non-secure decision to make.  We need to follow a rope -- having no idea where it ends. We are paraylsized despite our faith. 

I write countless blog posts about this undying faith I have.  Not faith in myself but a faith in the Lord.  Yet, I flounder at best when it comes to show time.
  

                                                                                Source: thekitchn.com via Maxine on Pinterest

So if I am putting all my eggs with God, why for a golden minute would I think that he isn’t doing to same in me?